The Meanest Thing to Say is an episode. It is the first episode that Michael appears in.


The episode begins with Little Bill, Andrew, Kiku, and Fuschia playing Pirates at school. They walk around with pirate hats on and a treasure map. Fuchsia says that she's the captain of them all and she's mean. Kiku says she's the nice pirate, but her parrot is mean. Little Bill says that he's found the treasure map. Little Bill says that they need to find the treasure and keep it for themselves. They all agree. Miss Murray tells all of them that she needs their attention for a few minutes. A new boy is standing with Miss Murray and Fuchsia wonders who he is. Miss Murray tells everyone that they have a new student joining the class. She introduces them to Michael Rhiley. Everyone says hello to Michael. Miss Murray tells everyone that Michael and his family moved all the way from Florida. Michael's a little shy and doesn't say anything. Miss Murray tells them that they are having extra play time in the yard today.

The kids go outside. Fuchsia grabs the basketball and tosses it to Little Bill. Little Bill misses and he goes to retrieve the ball. Michael grabs it for him. Little Bill asks Michael if he wants to play basketball with them. He says that every time they shoot the ball they have to say things like a pirate. Michael says he doesn't want to play that game and says that he knows a better game to play. He says it's called "Ranking." He tells the kids that they take turns saying mean things to each other. Kiku doesn't understand why they would say mean things to each other. Michael tells them that whoever says the meanest things will win the game. Little Bill thinks Michael is being mean and tells him that he doesn't want to play Ranking. He'd rather play basketball. He shoots the basketball, but misses. Michael says that they can play Ranking. He tells Little Bill he shoots basketball like a peanut head. He tells Little Bill that it's his turn to say something mean. Little Bill says he doesn't know what to say. Michael says it's because Little Bill's a poo-poo diaper baby. Little Bill is really hurt by the things that Michael is saying to him. The bell rings and all of the kids go inside. Andrew tells Little Bill that it's time to go. Michael tells Little Bill that they're going to play tomorrow and he'd better think about some really mean things that he could say. Michael heads inside and Little Bill sulks back into the school.

Later that night, Little Bill is at home trying to think of mean things to say to Michael. He says that Michael's head is mushy, but he doesn't like that. Little Bill thinks of calling Michael a banana and April walks past when he does. April asks Little Bill what he's doing. Little Bill says that he's thinking of mean things to say. April tells Little Bill that he needs to think of something better than just calling someone a banana. Little Bill asks April how he can do that. April says that if Little Bill tries to act like a mean person then the things that Little Bill say might sound mean. Little Bill asks if a pirate would work. April tells Little Bill that he needs to come down to dinner. Little Bill pretends that he is a mean pirate on an island. He starts to stomp around and say some mean things. He has a mean parrot come in and Little Bill tells him that he's the meanest pirate.

Little Bill is snapped out of his imagination by Brenda coming in to tell him that it's time for dinner. Little Bill tells her that he's a mean pirate and he comes down to the dinner table. Little Bill stomps in. Alice the Great tells Little Bill that they are having macaroni and cheese (his favorite) tonight. Little Bill pretends to be mean and stomps over to the table. Brenda asks why Little Bill is being mean all of a sudden. April tells her that Little Bill is trying to be mean so that he can say mean things. Little Bill tells everyone that he has to play Ranking tomorrow with Michael. Big Bill laughs and says that they called it Playing Dozens when he was a child. Big Bill tells Little Bill that he won Ranking every time he ever played without having to say one mean thing. Little Bill asks how he did that. Big Bill says that none of the things that they said about him were true so all he said was the word, "So?" Little Bill is surprised that's all Big Bill ever said. He tells Big Bill that Michael said he was a peanut head today. Big Bill asks Little Bill if he's a peanut head. Little Bill says that isn't true. Big Bill says that all he has to do is say, "So?" because it isn't true. Little Bill notes that Michael also called him a poo-poo diaper baby. Big Bill asks Little Bill if that's true. Little Bill says that it isn't. Big Bill asks Little Bill if Michael made him cry. Little Bill says no. Big Bill again says that all he has to say is "So?" and he will win. Little Bill says that he won't have to say mean things then. Little Bill knows that he is ready for tomorrow.

The next day, Michael, Andrew, Kiku, and Fuchsia are playing Ranking. Michael tells Andrew that his hair is so red that he probably uses ketchup for shampoo. Michael says it is Andrew's turn. Little Bill arrives and says hello to everyone. Michael tells Little Bill that he smells like old egg salad. Little Bill tells Michael, "So?" Michael says that he's a goofball that looks like a slimy slug. Little Bill tells Michael again, "So?" Michael tells Little Bill that he's a teacher's pet with bugs on his head. Little Bill once again tells Michael, "So?" The others start to realize what Little Bill is doing. Little Bill starts to smile. Michael says that he has to call him names and suggests calling him a creepy crawler or stinky cheese. The kids start to laugh and tell Michael that stinky cheese is funny. Michael tells them that they need to say mean things. He tells them that they are supposed to be crying and upset. Little Bill says that it's funny and the rest of the kids start to laugh. Michael is upset and walks away. Kiku notes that Little Bill didn't have to say anything mean. Andrew asks Little Bill why he kept saying, "So?" to Michael. Little Bill tells him that none of the things Michael said were true so all he had to do was say so. The rest of his friends understand the point.

Little Bill and his friends want to play Pirates. They run inside to play. Little Bill sees Michael is upset and sitting by himself. Little Bill says hello to him. Michael apologizes to Little Bill that he said all of the mean things. Little Bill forgives him. Michael is amazed that Little Bill isn't mad at him. Little Bill says none of it was true. Little Bill invites Michael to play pirates. Michael agrees and says he'll be the funny pirate. The two run over to play with Andrew, Kiku, and Fuchsia. The episode ends with all of them playing pirates.

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